Thursday, July 30, 2009

My Big Bad Dad...

Well, tonight I think I will write about the person on my mind... my dad. I saw him today, and EVERY time I see him, I feel better. He is such a great dad.

His name is Ron. Ron England. ;) He's also a cop, and really good one at that. He lives a life that most people aren't cut out for, because he wears a bullet proof vest, and would sacrifice his life at the drop of a hat if he had to.
Actually, I used to absolutely, positively, with every fiber of my being, HATE my dad. No joke. I hated the man. You see... I look just like my mom, but I ACT just like my dad, and I think THAT is what added fuel to the fires between us. We're very VERY alike, and when I was younger, I couldn't stand him.
But then he went to Iraq.... and I was so ashamed of how mean and selfish I had been. I missed him so much. I cried because I just wanted him to be home, to pick on me, and help me out, and to argue with me even. He got shot over there... and that changes a little girl's perspective of her daddy. I realized I could have lost him... and here I was being so hateful most of the time. And some people never even get a dad in their life... and I took mine for granted. So I wrote him a letter... now we BOTH have a way with our words, and mine was one of those letters that really hit home. I know he still has it. I've seen him read it even after he got home. Then.... the divorce came.
When it came, the divorce came hard. I was barely a sophomore in high school, and then he was gone again, except this time by choice, and he was in the same town. And I was mad. I didn't hate him, but I wished I could. I had just found a church... and through it, I had learned alot of things about life, me, and the world. I loved it... and then I didn't understand why God did that to me. Not until very later did I ever realize His plan. But, we went through the motions, I kept my emotional distance, cuz I was sick of being hurt. He got married. Her name is Rebecca, and she is my step mom. She is a great person, really awesome woman. I liked her... but not with my dad. No way jose. It took time, but I got used to it... not comfortably, but I was ok. Then my Big Bad Dad (I gave him that name when I was 7, and he was a SWAT officer.) got sick.
He'd been sick for awhile before they found out. I got a call... my dad had 6 months to live. SIX MONTHS. By this time, I was a christian, my life was so good... but this time I wasn't mad at God. My dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer in the kidney, liver, and lungs on June 22 of 2007, and it was progressing to his heart, and because of that, they could not operate. I'd only been dating Ryan for barely a month.... but I called him. I cried, not like a baby.... like a daddy's girl losing her daddy. My mind raced. Death AGAIN made me change my mind... God made me change my mind. What was I gonna do? Christmas was going to be terrible. It was 8 days before my birthday. He would never see me graduate high school. Never see me into college. My dad was gonna miss my wedding... that was when my heart shattered. He was gonna miss seeing my kids, and holding them. The future is what killed me. I made it my life mission to make up for everything. I went to see my dad when I knew we could handle the situation... but we still cried. I could no longer NOT like my step mom. She was helping my dad so much. They had been going to church, and she was a major part of that. He hadn't really gone much before he married her. So... I had my church, Ryan's church (now my church), my friend's churches, and my dad's church, ALL praying for this man. This one dying man.... not to save his life... but to BE SAVED spiritually, and for healing, and for patience, and for comfort, ohhhh for comfort. All I did was pray. I wasn't gonna give up on my big bad dad.... not now. He was fighting this, physically, emotionally, mentally, and now spiritually. He was still working, trying to be normal.
If you've ever experienced cancer, or seen someone really close to you go through it.... it IS agony. My big bad dad could "fix anything... except maybe a broken heart." that's what he always said. And he could. Anything. Here he was loosing his thick hair, his mustache that always tickled me when he kissed me, he was itchy. Everywhere, he was itchy and blotchy. His lost weight, and his big muscles were not as big. He couldn't ride his Harley Davidson motorcycle anymore. He could hardly make it through his shift at work, and he had to be put on days, because night time came, and he was too weak. The chemo, and radiation made him sick. He had to take so many medicines.... soooo expensive just to try and survive. His head was bald, and his head hurt all the time from all the stuff going on with his body. And all the while...... everyone prayed.
That November, in 2007, THREE days before Thanksgiving Day.... he called me. The doctors told him that between the two weeks he had been scanned and that day.... the cancer in his liver vanished. The cancer in his kidney was gone. One of his lungs was now spotless. And it had receded from his heart, and now only his left lung had cancer. It was then I knew. I knew that God knew what he was doing. We prayed, cried, and asked of Him.... and He had delivered. If that isn't a true MIRACLE, then I don't know what IS. It was amazing. He was supposed to die, he could never have fought that cancer... only God could. Oh the joy, I was in the car driving to eat with Ryan and his parents... the sun was setting.... and I cried out, and just smiled. :) It still makes me smile. That news made my heart soo soo happy. I called everyone. lol. I called him, and we waited to tell his parents until I got there.... and Ryan's mom, Donna, she cried with me. lol. It was truly, and honestly amazing.
He was baptized, and saved that following March or so. He lived. HE LIVED. He inspired me so much, I wrote all my college entrance essays about him. I still tell his story... because it is true. He is a great man. I think God broke him to save him. I think God had to put him on his knees with cancer in order for my dad to seek Him, and in order for me to put the past behind, and just love my dad. Here we are, and he is CANCER FREE. He's working, and back to riding his Harley. He loves his life so much. He teaches a Sunday school class at his church with my step mom. After all this... he is a better dad, and just a better man period. He HAD to meet my step mom. He had to go to church with her. :) One day... my dad and I were sitting on his porch, just sittin together, out in the country at his house, and he looked at me and said, "You know kiddo, you and me.... we really did turn a 180 degrees didn't we? We did it." That stinkin man, lol... boy I cried. (We hate crying, but we're the ones who make each other cry the easiest.) And I said, "Nah... we totally suck... God did it." :)

He still calls me Baby Scoot. I still call him big bad dad. I still pick on him. We still pick on my sister. lol. He's gonna be there.... for my future. He saw me graduate. He saw me go to West Texas A&M... he even kept a copy of every single essay I wrote about him. He will dance with me at my wedding. He loves Ryan to death. :P And he will get to give my kids "woogie woogies", makin 'em laugh till they cry too. :) I'm my dad's baby. I'm his last kid, the youngest child, the daddy's little princess, and little girl. We ARE so alike, and I'm so proud of that now. I want to be like him. If I'm HALF the person he is, I'll be grateful. And that's how it should be. I tell people, actually I brag really, about my dad all the time. He's so awesome. :P However, I realized very recently... people always want to meet my dad when I tell about him.... but they already have. Because they met me.

I love you Big Bad Dad. :)

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