Wednesday, January 6, 2010

What's the Deal???

Alright.... as great as my mood has been lately. You're killin me smalls. You know, and everyone else knows who you are. Since when did you not tell me things?? Since when were you afriad of me?? Since when did I give a crap what you did, since I love you anyways??? You seriously lied to me. Oh wait... excuse me, you didn't lie, you just negelected to tell me the truth. I asked, and you avoided. Why? So it'd stir this stuff up?? Was that what you wanted? Is it??? Cuz you got it, so be happy. You wanna slap me in the face??? Well don't leave out my other cheek!!! And do not do me any favors by holding back, if you're gonna do it, do it right, and do it as hard as you can. It isn't the first time, so trust me.... as bad as it hurts, I can take it. Look honey.... I do not care WHERE you go to church. I literally don't. But don't go around trying to avoid me and hiding it like it's some huge scandal. God hears singing the same, no matter where you are. So be my guest hon, but your welcome for the opportunity. You didn't even say thanks.... you didn't even tell me you were gonna be one and done. Sing once, and you're gone. That's fine..... but at least have the decency to tell me. What have I ever hidden from you??? What have I ever judged you for, or not loved you for??? Seriously, now... come on. This is ridiculous. You avoid me for no reason, and you put on this whole shinanigan with not hangin out anymore, and you can't even talk to me??? Listen.... if you don't think I need to be in your life, fine. If you think I don't have a place, fine. If you believe God didn't bring us together, fine. But otherwise.... you're doing us both a huge injustice. You are denying yourself a blessing. You're denying me a blessing.... that isn't fair. I love you.... what part of that do you not get???

And when you lose sight.... I can tell. You know honey.... you were a catholic, then went to a baptist church, then a nazarene one, now a methodist one?? Like..... when does this stop?? They're all the same at the core. Christian. Imperfect. Jesus is the only perfect thing alongside God. Where there's 2 people, there is gonna be conflict. And sometimes, it doesn't even take 2. You're like the run-away bride church style!! Love.... this sucks, believe me, I have been here.... but Jesus Christ requires you to leave your old life behind, to change for God's sake. If you just keep justifying yourself.... you're crucifying Jesus all over again. The hardest part, and the best thing in the world.... is getting busted. Bust yourself... for real this time. Not half-way. Doubts aren't accepted my God.... he who looks back while he plows the field is of no use in the Kingdom of Heaven. It's there.... in black and white print. You can avoid me all you want.... but you can't avoid yourself forever. And church-hopping is just a way of seeking for something when you can't find it usually. I've been there too. But when you keep your eyes and heart closed.... you will never find anything but the sad lonely darkness. How can He get in if everything's closed??

There. I'm done. Avoid me..... or don't. I don't care. But the issue here isn't about your place of worship, it isn't about churches, it isn't about that dumb stuff...... it's about this friendship. It's about you lying to me. I wouldn't have been upset AT ALL, yes, you prolly would have gotten that paragraph up there either way..... but you avoided me, and then did this. For what?? I don't get it. Go where you want, do what YOU have to do love..... but we are best friends, and I thought I was a part of your life... I thought I was a part of your heart. Cuz...... you sure are a part of mine. You know me.... you know I'm gonna tell you stuff straight up. Because you need it, I need it, and I respect you and love you. But..... you didn't return the favor, and I really don't understand why. Just cuz you're not with me in my church doesn't mean you ditch me as a friend. Steph is my best friend, and we've never shared the same church.... not ever. It's not about churches. But she wouldn't lie to me either. Yes Wendy.... I do deserve this. So I'm not gonna say "what have I done to deserve this? Why me?" Cuz I know as well as every other person in this world that I do suck. But you know.... I don't feel sorry for you. Never have. Never will... because I just love you. Don't make your hurdles in life be a reason you can't do things..... make them a reason to make yourself better and stronger. I'll always love you and forgive you. So..... here I am. When you wanna talk, I'll listen. When you wanna come back to our friendship, I'll meet you halfway. Maybe more. We always talk about how people have hurt us.... how it sucks.... how people lied and broke our hearts... then why did you all of the sudden do it to me?? Not telling me things is the same as lying. I dunno..... people are askin me questions about you, and I dunno what to say anymore, cuz you don't talk to me, or you avoid me, or you talk to me with reserve. Like I'm an alien or something. It's not the situation that bugs me, never was, and still isn't.... it's how you handled it with me, it's the sneeking way you went about it, and weird avoidance that bugs me. We're best friends! I never hold you back, I want you to fly.... I never have held anything against you, so I just don't see the point.... I dunno.... I'm just lost and confused.....

I love you.

1 comment:

  1. You win